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catnip oh, it was horrible... I woke up screaming something about soylent green being people and found little furry pods all around me... I must tell you all about it... sit down, hold on to something, you are not going to believe this... but for your sake and the sake of all those you care for, I pray you do...
yes, I thought I was being very clever... mocking the obvious subtlety of universal synchronicity with even more obvious sarcasm... but then, moments later, the very next banner said I always wanted to be a cat... I could not stop my fingers, the hand slid the mouse to the banner, the pointer, the nosiest of fingers, pushed the mouse button, I clicked. I found Xena birthing an imaginary child in the future. Not a cat child, I don't think, but then, how can we be sure?... these words were very clear, Xena was non-negotiable and as we all know, Xena is quite feline so the banner had to mean, I must face facts, it could only mean one thing for me. I left this note:
but as if that wasn't enough, look at the entry just before that one... I mean, we have a couch... an old couch, cracks in the leather, but a couch nonetheless... my last roommate left it here... they couldn't have been behind it all this time, could they have?... been?... and I did laundry in the presence of the cats this week... three loads... lights, darks, and whites... oh, one load for each of them... how could they have?... no, they couldn't have known, could they?... the evidence is mounting... as you may know, I was away this week, staying at the home of a friend... the purpose of my week long visit was to care for my friend's family, which consists of three cats and a dog... in my spare time I was to go over to my friend's mother's abode and care for a fourth feline... during my stay, I noticed I was slowly but surely becoming accustomed to having a furball attached to my leg, or sometimes in my lap... by the end of the week, every time I sat down, three furballs would suddenly appear as though they suddenly sprouted from my thighs... they followed me into the bathroom... one did tumblesaults... another tried to help me wipe... they were everywhere... I thought I was imagining it at first, but when they continually tried to nudge my laptop on to the floor as I was typing, I knew they were serious... they were moving in... now there are a select few of you who were informed that while straining to maintain contact with my laptop, I was somehow drawn by a rather large eye to read this informative article on the dangers of associating with cats... catadiction, a sudden compulsion to be around cats, and catatraction, gradually becoming irresistible to our feline fellows, has been know to have catastrophic results... if only I had read it sooner... I was somehow reassured, though I have no idea why, by the author of the article telling me that reading the article sooner would not have helped because the very act of reading the article and uttering the name smoog, even silently in my skull, even subconsciously without knowing, was enough to alter the flow of cosmic energy and infect me with catamania, which is a rather strange affliction that can only be described as the closest thing a human can be to catnip... I left my friend's house and the purring leggings a few hours ago, went to dinner and headed back home, thinking the week was fun and it was quite amusing to play along with smoog's catalog of catastrophic cat tales, but feeling quite reassured by my own logic and well grounded sanity that there could not be any such thing as the cat disease smoog described... I mean, after all, I've always been fond of animals and generally animals have been fond of me... all animals, not just some strange affiliation with felines... I arrive home jovial and find... two cats. yes, that was a period... they look at me. I look at them. they look at each other. I look at them looking at each other. one of them appears to look back at me but was secretly looking and winking at the other cat. they laughed. no, I swear, they laughed! my new roommate moved in this weekend while I was away... he apparently has two cats... I seek reason and calming clarity by turning on my laptop and coming here to Diaryland... I click banners, you know the rest... I apparently have come down with an acute case of catamania... I am human catnip!
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I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |