what am I here for?

          sometimes I forget what I'm here for
          I want attention
          I want to be loved
          I want to love you

          sometimes I forget that I want more
          I want sensation
          I want to be felt
          I want to feel you

but do I want too much?... do I share too much?... do I say too much?... why am I alone?... though I am here with you... sharing words with you... hoping to hear from you... I am on my own... feeling so unknown... yet am I alone?

remembering entering diaryland (even though the formatting had me grumbling cuz even thogh all the entries are listed individually, all of the first ten entries open up the same page and to see where I began you need to read the page from the bottom up and I think the message of each entry loses something in beging clmped together on ne page in reverse order, but the tenth entry grumbling says that so I'll stop grumbling about it here... it's just that I tried fixing it again today and it wouldn't be fixed)... but ok, remembering the beginning and how hopeful I was...

and I am connecting with some of you and that is inspiring and exciting and fun... I gess I have having a moment of doubt here tonight... like is this worth the time... like would it matter if I stopped... of course I want to hear that it would matter, but then, my asking for it effects my reaction, if you know what I mean)... I still mean every word I wrote in my first entry, dear readers... but sometimes I wonder...

          is there any point in going on?
          will it matter that I was here when I'm gone?
          strangers on the road wave fast hellos
          and I wonder is this just the way life goes?

          if I want fame and fortune
          if I want the fans applause
          I've got to be out there
          most of the year
          wondering whatever happened to what was

          is the love of millions of hands clapping
          worth the love of one heart beating next to mine
          is the adoration of millions of heartbeats
          worth the adoration of one hand holding mine

          sometimes I forget what I'm here for
          why I started in the first place
          to find someone to love
          and to love you

          and I am loving you
          and I live for the applause
          and you'll find me out here
          most of the year
          wondering what might have happened to what was
          if you came with me to share the love

          I know I've said this at least once before
          but I think it's worth saying at least once more
          thank you, dear reader... for helping me be sure
          thank you, dear reader... you are what I am here for

candora          

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J