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wish you were here (in the big green chair) and so I came home from work and I sat down here in the big green chair and, as Sam was already awake and glued to the TV and remote control, I slipped on the headphones and proceeded to respond to an email pondering to the writing process, reached for a CD that so much has represented the creative process (not just the writing process) in this life for me, my overdue library copy of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" (though I vaguely remember bits of the last half hour of "Maid In Manhattan" pulled my eyes and ears away from here from time to time), and let the words flow... along the way I fell asleep, laptop precariously perched on the tabletop on the pillow on my lap, and it is now about four hours later, my lap is rather damp, and the CD repeated at least a half dozen times... I am now going to start the music over and return to the journal writing I was doing this week, hopefully geared up to focus and produce many web gems that will be applauded as literary masterpieces... or perhaps not... oh ego sit down...
but there can be so much sadness without the playfulness ego brings to the game of life... at least that is the way it is in my head... I unconditionally love ego as a completely selfish child who can not be trusted to drive the car, but can be trusted to make the ride a whole lot more interesting and fun... maybe it is because I never did let my ego grow up (was I supposed to?) and learn all the adult stuff egos are supposed to do... mine is still happily begging for attention as any precocious four year old might... my mind believes it is still four years old... and my soul feels as ageless as time itself... and just as old, sometimes... but there is no time in the big black up in the sky, there is only space and an infinite amount of that at that (at least space so vast that it is infinite by our proportions... when there is no measure, there is no limit... and it is all in the mind... see the falling stars out there burns a supernova don't know where you are brighter than a thousand suns yet we can not see but if you really want to you can feel the energy feel the energy close your eyes and let the light in see your own desire out there burns infinite candles but we don't feel the fire hotter than a billion suns touch eternity in your heart, if you want to you can feel the energy feel the energy deeper than the darkness there is hope, for hope is part of the strong force... and that is why you must dig through anything that is in the way... fear, doubt, despair, depression, do not let it stop you... feel the pain, let it rain, go insane, do it again, but dig, delve deeper, down into the darkness of the unknown where you buried yourself, where you exchanged a walk on part in the war for a lead roll in a cage... you can dig your way out, just keep digging... and they burned you... the powers, the adults, the frightened children in grown up costumes who live by the rule that might makes right and don't talk about the fears or else... else could be anything from ostricization to a nuclear bomb... these are the days left for humanity, an egocentric species caught up in vanity, to easily lead into insanity, for fear dominates this sad Planet E... but don't let it get you down, it's only castles burning, after all... the planet is still turning, so there must be some hope it will survive... and they can only do to you what you let them do to you and no matter what you let them do you can rise above, forgive yourself, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again... all you lost is time... let someone share it give in to your song let someone hear it give in to your heart let someone feel it give into the cards let someone deal it and if you are cheated or lied to if you are betrayed or abused remember what you tried to do and it's only time you used and no matter how much it hurts do not deny the yen give in to your desire listen to the zen even if you have to cry or count to ten to ten as long as you have one more breath there's time to try again time to try again and just when you think you've got permanent Little Orphan Annie eyes, Bette Davis slaps you upside your head and if you're not laughing, you've at least got better reason to feel sorry for yourself... but that isn't me (I won't let it be)... the story of a life does not have to end there... there is no law, not even a natural one, that says biological family must share the same consciousness or energy level... you may have mutated to a new plane of awareness and if that makes you the black sheep because they are afraid to let go or afraid to understand or just too jealous to support your rise, then move on or let them take you down... it is your choice... and it can make you feel the story of your life then you can make it real just find your own expression and do what must be done to make your own progression and show us all your fun relax, enjoy, you are yourself and here is where you are whatever might have come before we need not bring this far see the falling star and in this universe, you create your own family based on energy connections, conscious awareness, and actual sharing... leave the pretenses and the suppose-to-be behind... you do not need a welcome where you belong... churn, burn, earn, learn... sometimes you must learn before you earn, but then you can learn more... and that is what it is all about... and if you see life as a box of chocolates ask, why that one... random chance?... predestined romance?... holy trance?... choice of the dance?... one whole life not enough time for hate or strife put fear aside put down the knife precious body one whole life and if you need no answers then you can handle fear and if you need no promises oh how I wish you were here and if you take your chances then you can be aware and if you can take the love I give oh how I wish you were here find yourself one whole life not enough room for hate or strife leave doubt behind pack up the knife find your love one whole life and if you can trust yourself then you can handle love and if you need no fantasy from below or above and if you care for your shelf then you can understand the power that I offer is right there in your hand give yourself a whole life not enough room for hate or strife open your mind re-think the knife carve yourself a whole life and you can be the life of your own party if you'll only remember the way it is right there where you left it just hear the music play remember yesterday is now today remember dreams you shared about tomorrow and if you'll only remember the way it is what you have always known just hear the music play tomorrow's yesterday is now today live yourself a whole life and in a moment (many lines later), you might find that you are smiling... or perhaps, like me, you fell asleep for a while... a brief nap in the big green chair can do wonders for me... besides, some stuff goes in better subliminally... how can anyone not be moved by Pink Floyd?... well, anyone who understands the power of the guitar, at least... and music, period... and love, oh that crazy little thing... shine on you crazy diamonds... all of you...
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I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |