be random
what is now
when is then
where is email
who i am
how it is
why it is
leave a note?
share me, share you
make me smile
thank you

other journals
(of course I should be sleeping)
(what's life got to do with it?)

about me
(too much to know at once)
friend?
(tic tic tic, toc)

BE MY GUEST (BOOK)

<< MISSING �SOMETHING? >>
the bottom line
who can
when i had the time
the first of december (has another song)
what i do





RINGS 'n THINGS

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MONOLOG

seeing light

omigosh omigosh omigosh (and the excitement continues to build)!.. yes, !...

I've got guestbook entries
I've got guestbook entries

now maybe if I had a couplazillion entries (or thousands, like some people I know) I wouldn't get all excited about them... and maybe if Harry wasn't mentioned I would just be happy as a clam (and why is a clam so happy, anyway?) and not bouncing off my innards with joyous energy... and maybe the beautifully wrapped Christmas present I got at work last night has something to do with it... and maybe it's all the tags to the left over there (nonchalantly we all glance over and try to be all cool about the attention)... and maybe I don't even need a reason (never did before) to do flips for being alive and happy to be me... but I am trying to say thank you, show appreciation, be real here...

candora says calm down or nobody will understand a thing...

oh, but what if somebody actually did?... I mean, what if I just let go, ramble on, give into the pleasure of pouring myself into words without any hesitation or concern with acceptance or approval or any reaction from anybody and somebody actually understood and loved me for just being me, the babbling fool who just gives into the pleasure of pouring anything and everything (me, me!), into words... wow, no thought of rhyme or meter or content or context or pleasing anybody or amusing anybody or making some meaningful message come through?... no thought at all, just mind to fingers to keyboard to screen?...

"can you feel the excitement?
feel it welling up inside?
what makes you think emotions
are something that you hide?"

thank you Harry, for the umptigoogle time, how do I ever forget?... alone, that's how... alone and feeling sorry for myself and feeling like the best of life is yesterday ("all my troubles seemed so far away", thank you Paul) and nobody cares cuz nobody's here to see the hunger and passion and dying in my eyes... alone and feeling the fear of trying again, the fear of another rejection, betrayal, abuse, pain, torture, horror, nightmare... alone and feeling like giving up on the dream of true love (yes Max, give Wesley the giant chocolate pill) and beliving in the goodness of the human heart ("imagine all the people", bless you John)... alone and so lonesome I could die (was that a whipporwill?)... oh dumb dumb dumb heart playing foolish games (yes, Jewel) and forgetting hope (what about Bob?)...

what's this?... laughter from the cemetary?... giggles from inside the coffin?... I'm not dead yet (yes, thank you Monty P.)... rain pouring down but I will not drown if I am a fool unreknown or a vagabond clown I am going to town to trade smiles for a frown cuz I will not go down no I will not go down "till I go down" (omigosh, Jackson Browne)...

me thinks if anybody listens in on my conversations with myself they'd be certain I lived in the madhouse on the other side of the wall (and I'd buy a big house where we all could live", thank you Elton and Bernie)...

and to get past the past and be that one who walked on through the wind and walked on through the rain till all tears and fears were tossed and blown to "walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart" (thank you, ummm, Jerry Lewis?... yes, him too, but Oscar Hammerstein, and Richard, of course... like everybody knows) and be that one "scorned and covered with scars" and still thought to be beautiful, that one who who still strove with the "last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable star" (thank you Joe Darion and Mitch) and believe... to believe in love... and to find it can come true again...


and what if all this came to pass and I was loved just for being the rambling fool I am, just for the love I want to give and the hope I want to nurture and the passion for life I want to share in screams and laughter from the rooftops... what a wonderful world this would be (don't go talking no history now, Willis)...

anything is possible

huh?

I love you, every one.

candora

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J




I love you all for coming... for reading all these words
for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd)
if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight
I'd say
I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life


ALL WORDS (C) 2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS