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be random what is now when is then where is email who i am how it is why it is leave a note? share me, share you make me smile thank you other journals (of course I should be sleeping) (what's life got to do with it?) about me (too much to know at once) friend? (tic tic tic, toc) BE MY GUEST (BOOK) << MISSING �SOMETHING? >> the bottom line who can when i had the time the first of december (has another song) what i do < ? me # > < ? harrychapin # > < ? Random Acts of Journaling # > < ? Poetic Voices # > < ? The Write Club # > < ? Nights Awake # > < ? Fluid # > < ? Adopted # > < ? Childlike # > < ? Poets-Muse # > < ? Five Hundred # > < ? As You Wish # > temporary place holder ()))CRAYON-BOX)))> published blogmad! varb? �2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS IF YOU WANT TO USE THE WORDS FOR ANY REASON TALK TO ME |
should I? should I tell her that I look for her every chance I get?... should I tell her that I wait with baited breath for any word, for any sign?... should I tell her how challenging it is for me to leap, to trust, to breath?... should I put on a happy face and try to hide my scars? (are they still bleeding?... should I mention how afraid to look and see how ugly they might be I am?)... I know I do not like hiding, nor do I want to hide very well... should I tell her how many tears I have cried?... should I tell her about the betrayals... the abuses... the failures... should I tell her how afraid I am that my dreams will remain broken forever?... how afraid I am that I may be alone forever, never truly known or understood or accepted or appreciated or loved?... should I tell her how my momentary self-doubts can grow into a vast storm of worries that drown my confidence and wash away my self-esteem and leave me feelingless, a numb empty worthless shell of ambivalent, often apathetic flesh and bone?... should I tell her that no matter how numb, something is always aching, something beyond my reach, yet still seeming somewhere inside? should I tell her how long it has been since I hugged myself, since I faced my child inside and believed everything will be alright, that my dreams will come true... should I tell myself?... should I continue?
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I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |