and eventually, it may get here

whatever the something may be, that is... until then, I shall ramble on and perhaps that is all that something was to be, but somehow I want to believe it is more... whatever it may be...

meanwhile, I've been getting back into an almost daily daily life journal and letting some wallow out in the land of mostly dead and rearranging pieces of my brain to accommodate the flood of thought pouring in and/or emerging into consciousness from within... the journal may begin again someday soon, maybe, and candora has been sleeping more than writing... as you wonderfully loyal readers who check often know, but still... but still... but still?...

shhhhh, sleep snuck in... hours and hours passed and it is now night time again and I am looking for the train of thought that left without me... ah, but still I have been writing daily... a year of entries for the original journal are in pieces, some uploaded and not linked (and the clever among you know how to find them) and some not uploaded but still sitting on the old laptop... and many years of writing are sitting on the old computers in storage, now, for almost a decade... still retrievable or words and pieces of me lost forever?...

someday, that answer will be something...

and so many more pages of words written before I put down the pen to use the keyboard... boxes of pads and notebooks and journals and scattered pages also sitting in that same storage (along with thousands, and that's many thousands of each, of CDs, vinyl, tapes, books, toys and games and the stuff of former lives)... someday all of that will be something, so many, so much something...

there is a real person writing this creative fantasy world called planet c... a flesh and blood human being (though most of the time feeling rather alien when looking around at others on this planet Earth) who generally feels misunderstood... person who knows the almost unbearable loneliness of being alive to share everything every moment with someone so completely that two appear to become one, one thought, one feeling, one mind, one heart, one action, one experience, one being, one life... a person who knows the euphoria of sharing such a blissful life (and so many of the words written before coming to the web were inspired by and about that almost unbelievably perfect life... you think candora is hopeful?... candora is the depressed version of the me who used to be... there is a child inside who still remembers, who has a small garden on the web with room for a few thousand more pages waiting for words and the wonder that is the child inside)... and though my time on the web is but a fraction of the time I have spent writing in this life, there remnants of former lives (and persona) on the web and more in that pipeline that will someday be something to share... newsbee is a public newsgroup persona, of unknown and somewhat mysterious origins (there is a rumour that newsbee was around at the creation of the universe), in case you were curious... candora is not the first persona to dream on the web and, as I said, this is the lowest ebb of the optimism and energy... anonanonanon will tell you a lot more about me and other real people I've known in dedicated rhymes and prose if you can stand the babble and almost continuous grins... anonanonanon is an eternally four year old toon related to the Wacko, Yacko, Dot, and a few other characters, in case you wondered... goo...

maybe this is the something, or at least part of the something I was feeling, a guide to knowing more about the supposedly real person behind candora... kind of a map to a bio or something (you expected it to maybe be concise or something?... now that would be something, aye?... am I telling the telling?...

once upon a time I started typing out lyrics, because I love lyrics and the emotions that words in songs can inspire, and prose that inspire me, have become part of me, that others wrote... while this is so far from complete it does not give a full picture of influences and interests and experiences and dreams that are me, it is a start and has many essential core pieces of the puzzle, in case you were looking to put the supposedly real me together... a whole person is in here, somewhere...

ultimately, there is a back door to the web world where a BIOS of sorts is found, though that too is in preliminary stages of development... and another once upon a time some years ago I would tell you, if you really wanted to come closer and get to know the, ummmm, being I am (and always becoming), I would point at the window, where friends and some odd strangers have, since the invention of windows (long before Sir Gates grabbed the word, or Joey so innocently visited Dawson, or the Beatles immortalized she, in thumb sucking wonder with the unusual protection of a silver spoon), came in...

updating of all these portal would be a very wise and potentially wonderful something for me, the one who wants the right someone to find me in the, errr, real world... but how to be found with old maps and outdated information... noticing and acknowledging and exploring the dusty trails like this might be a good way to start... ultimately, the web gate is still the primary portal, even though it is still part of the old domain and as everything else prior to my arrival here at Dland, really needs updating...

maybe something was a fleeting and growing desire to give you more of a chance to know me, or mare likely a hope and optimism that you really want to, but then, you can read about daily life anytime you'd like... get the picture?

candora

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J