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MONOLOG

wandering around

I spent last night roaming around DLand (so I got no writing done, all the tired horses in the sun, and all) and once again I realized that I can spend too much time right here in this little corner of the web because there are so many people to meet through words and so man wonderful words to read... I could barely skim my way through all the links along my way... I did spend enough time to leave little bits and bytes in notes and comments and a few guestbooks... and I wanna tell you about some of the stops I made...

pathos, in the epic greek comedy-tragedy, wisest-one-of-all-plays-the-fool sense, that is what Ladee Leroy has... I'm more sure than ever every time I read her... inspiring a laugh and a tear simultaneously takes more creative writing skill than you can shake a stick at... or even a cattle prod... but then, what do you expect from a liberal Ladee in Bush country...

and when you ask yourself what's so funny about maintenence memos, well, laughter found liftoff with last three of these... it was my first trip to regz and it brought back memories of music (deeps sighs for the missing and lost and all) and I thought of my own CD collection (so long in storage) and the thousands of vinyl recordings I never did make a list of and videos and all the creativity in boxes up north and how wonderful it would b to hav music around me again and before I start whining about being mostly dead, I'll move along to my next stop...

a long time ago I (I'll find a link to put here eventually) visited some independent domain personal sites a lot and I'd link them in my original journal (that continues, even as it continues to slip further into the past)... some went on hiatus (and remain offline) and some links were buried somewhere as for a while, like in 2001, I stopped spending time on the net (except to keep up my journal and email groups)... but last night I found one of my long time favorites, a world on the web and of course I fell in love all over again...

and then, there is ravyne, who amazes me cuz she has so much to say about so many things and so much of it clicks in my head... her world is full of wonderful poetry and she is one of the few people who gets me to read about stuff like religion and politics... I wonder if she and her hubby will adopt me...

pause for the phone J...

I have a bunch more to share and more thanks, like the helpful site fore DLand newbies managed by one of my long time favs (she is just so knowledgeable and helpful and hase all thse great nooks and crannies where she keeps so much stuff it's like magical)... all these connections I never knew existed and poof, there they are... as if my sudden awareness made them real... well, it does for me...

there's the phone again (isn't it wonderful?... I mean, a phone that actually rings)... I'll look for this wandering trail of thought when I get back...

where were we?... lavin is intense... scary for anyone who's ever had a broken heart (don't all stand up at once now)... the words are intense and addictive and begging me to dive into my own depths and scars and cut myself open and pour out some horror stories (if they were only stories) and maybe that means I am ready for another catharsis (mommmmeeeeee)... later, we have more travelling to do now...

as if I didn't find enough depth-traps to fall into, I stumbled into this and took another trip back in time in my mind... I wonder if this is why I've taken so long to head back up and get my stuff out of storage (am I peeking behing the curtain again?)... ah yes, yet another corner I really oughta finally turn... I did get a strong sense that I wanted to spend more time reading... time, yes, more time...

I've always wanted a professional smartass and while I am getting over my former addiction to her (and not just cuz she reminds me of a dear friend who used to work at a newspaper in New Jersey who I lost touch with some time ago when I lost all my stuff including address books and phone numbers... you out there rikki?... hey, you never know with the internet) and maybe now I have one... besides, we both have a certain pop-culture affliction, but then, after all, celebrity crushes is a sign of great intelligence, isn't it?...

and maybe there's a theme to my selective browsing this weekend, or more likely several, but when I read "love is the only drug that works, in a profile, the diary draws me in... deeper and deeper, I think (or is that hope?)... as Stevi Nicks summed me up, I have always been a storm, so the desire for a hard cleansing wash-it-all-away rain is definitely strong draw... catharsis, yes, that's a good thing... know where I can get one cheap?...

an speaking of heart (where, when?), t could be because I did leave at least a littlepiece of my heart in San Francisco (though most was lost somewhere in Toronto), I find myself amused by an adwhore... I don't know, maybe it's just to appear cool or something... but I think it might be more a love for music, homeless kittens, and flamboyance... I really don't think it's the silly sneakers or bobble head giesha, but some things just have to be seen to be known for sure, or believed, even ...

maybe you can tell me why I thought of sex, drugs,and rock and roll when I was reading alayah... is my longing for more music in my life showing toomuch yet?... I think I need to devote an entry to begging for music... I mean, after all, a lot of people out there are getting tons of music for free and copies might be begged if I find a cool way to explain thee abject poverty of my soul since all my music was stolen aened left behind along with my heart and anything else... did I mention I will be sitting here with nothing but this laptop and the big green chair and my portable CD player as soon as Sam moves out?... yes, everything else is his... pity points are worth something, right?... send music... I can afford the food and sleep on the floor (is there any wonder why I need a mommy?)...

could be that I want someone to love me, but I don't want to go through the whole going out and being superficially judged (abs, pecs, biseps, butt, what else would you like to know?... hey, I used to be called a hottie and could be again, but I want to be loved for my heart and soul and mind first... then comes the libido fantasy and wild passionate sex... everything, yes, I want everything... don't you?) meeting new people process... doesn't anybody know how to be a true friend anymore?... I mean in the physical world... I'm always looking for shortcuts and paths not taken, huh?...

where were we?... really, now how could I not fall in love with a melancholy (when I was little I thought that is was spelled meloncollie and it was food for Lassie, but then I learned that dogs usually don't each much fruit so it was a silly misunderstanding) bookgirl who has a sci-fi personality and also wants more music in her life?... but what's with the catholic conservative webrings?... I wonder if I have an ass like Jack... I am slipping into irreverency, aye?... ok, so maybe I am seeing Meg Ryan in my mind...

but what is this with 42? (the mice say "further study required")...

and then I came around to a place I keep returning to without actually trying, but enjoying every time... what shall I say... are there are some people, after reading them, without always knowing why, I wish I knew them in the physical world?... yes... and then I remember why... it is the way she loves... I wish someone would love me the way she loves...

the laptop is demanding I pause now, so I shall... I suppose much of my browsing around DLand happens due to clicking on banners... that leads me to think about getting some, but also leads me to think about finding other ways to explore...

if I only had the time...

candora

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J




I love you all for coming... for reading all these words
for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd)
if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight
I'd say
I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life


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