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be random what is now when is then where is email who i am how it is why it is leave a note? share me, share you make me smile thank you other journals (of course I should be sleeping) (what's life got to do with it?) about me (too much to know at once) friend? (tic tic tic, toc) BE MY GUEST (BOOK) << MISSING �SOMETHING? >> the bottom line who can when i had the time the first of december (has another song) what i do < ? me # > < ? harrychapin # > < ? Random Acts of Journaling # > < ? Poetic Voices # > < ? The Write Club # > < ? Nights Awake # > < ? Fluid # > < ? Adopted # > < ? Childlike # > < ? Poets-Muse # > < ? Five Hundred # > < ? As You Wish # > temporary place holder ()))CRAYON-BOX)))> published blogmad! varb? �2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS IF YOU WANT TO USE THE WORDS FOR ANY REASON TALK TO ME |
it figures burnt by the net gremlins again... no, by the fingers this time... so maybe the entry that was just sucked into oblivion... the entry that touched me deeper than any I've written in recent memory... maybe closer to the core than any ever?... is gone... so this will never be the same as the last would have been but the movie is still on... Sleepless in Seattle... but the quotes have passed and the comfort food is ready so I'm going to distract myself from the loss of the heart I poured out and eat, ah, to bury the dreams of finding Meg Ryan at the door any minute now in a big bowl of pasta and tears... if you are Meg Ryan (or if you melt at most of the parts she plays), feel free to call... please?... I'd happily stop eating for you (love conquers food, you know?... well, you oughta know or you are probably obese amd that's a place I do not ever want to go)... maybe I'll try writing again later... for now, I will try to make one thing clear (and fail miserably)... if I haven't said it before, it is one of my favorite movies and she is one of my favorite stars... both frequent fantasies... but beyond that, the real feelings and revelations and confessions inspired tonight would have been good to read and remember... the catharsis would have been major healing if it was not interrupted... instead, it all remains buried a while longer... ultimately, I start to realize (or reaffirm) that no matter how lonely I feel, I do not want to play the games... social games, I mean... I do not want to put on the clothes and airs and go to the dinners and the dates and do all the pretenses and the formality... I want to bare naked souls share the bottom line of who we are... I want passion, but first, I want honesty... and I do not want to impress or be impressed... at least not before the cuddling... it was so much deeper and wiser when the feeling flowed without thought... I want to cuddle first... I want to find out if we are comfortable without the words, without the games, without everything or anything except each other... I expressed myself (heart was really in it... poured out... cathartic... would have been my first favorite entry... alas, the universe obviously wants me to suffer some more) so much better in the entry that got deleted... apparently I have not cried enough... so I'll probably be alone (or at least sardonic) forever now
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I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |