be random
what is now
when is then
where is email
who i am
how it is
why it is
leave a note?
share me, share you
make me smile
thank you

other journals
(of course I should be sleeping)
(what's life got to do with it?)

about me
(too much to know at once)
friend?
(tic tic tic, toc)

BE MY GUEST (BOOK)

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when i had the time
the first of december (has another song)
what i do





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MONOLOG

forgotten offers

or were they affairs?... certainly some were exciting enough to be remembered, however, the mind is a terrible thing to screw with and mine has had an electric drill boring through it for a long time, a few, even (did I mention it is held together by paper clips and rubber bands... yeah, well, I might have forgotten that too)... it may all boil down to trust, which in turn becomes belief, which in turn makes whatever it empowers real... and then, when what we trusted to be real proven false, betrayal, disbelief, mistrust, and forgetting follow... even apathy, depression, reciprocal and collateral cruelty, and suicide (from the wasting away of a slow poisoning to the final act of a life given up)...

all thyat because we dare trust and believe in something or someone... leads me to wonder why we believe in anything at all... still, it, whatever it is, turns me on (insane, no?)...

been resolute
been destitute
been absolute
been constitute
dissolved
resolved
involved
evolved
and lost in the shuffle
tossed in the street
bossed in the skuffle
flossed by defeat
remembering
forgotten offers
and dreaming of
remembering
forgotten feelings
being in love

dragged to the point where giving up seemed like a reprieve
robbed of a life, a soul, and trust, what's left to be?
passion betrayed by desperate need and wanting so much to believe
buried with nothing and left condemned by honesty
no one wants to hear about such misery
so it's rise above or fly off to play in fantasy
and here we are
so near, so far
all we can be

been intimate
been out of it
been covenant
been opulant
unanswered phone calls
haunt and corrupt
old broken promises
taunt and erupt
before our eyes
bare naked lies
rip through the heart
dreams fall apart

hanging on by the thread of invisible destiny
and belief in the impossible victory
breathing dreams so barely there no one can see
and a single finger nail of hope hangs on
to all that I once knew as me
remembering
forgotten offers
and dreaming of
remembering
forgotten feelings
being in love


I only want to say if there is a way I would buy a big house where we all could live and play all day and have fun all night and sit and write about it and whatever else came into our minds and nurture the creative wonders in each other until we all achieved nirvana, euphoria, and all that jazz... and yes, there'd be rooms for the cats... and dogs and other critters too (yes, even squirrels and cutethings and long lost muses and online friends, old and new and wish-they-were, in spite of it all)... I am suddenly feeling all warm and mushy and magnanimous... kinda like Mike Myers with a wig, fa klemp... mish-something or other... kapish?...

I have been gone... sometimes long gone for timeless moments... not meaning to neglect you, I do, but lost in an aimless journey to nowhere, all is forgotten, for the moments, alone and away... so sue me... especially if it'll bring you closer... for periods away, at times, I gleefully enjoy life, but then, I know times of wallowing in loneliness and eating my heart out cuz nobody comes over daily to hug me... almost had an epiphany, but it turned out to be nonsense... still no hugs... at least not from anybody who really gets me... or gets to me... nobody knows me, everybody wonders, but we'll leave the worms for the fishes... maybe Tom Hanks was right, maybe I need a line from The Godfather or something... and would I refuse?...

candora

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J




I love you all for coming... for reading all these words
for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd)
if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight
I'd say
I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life


ALL WORDS (C) 2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS