be random
what is now
when is then
where is email
who i am
how it is
why it is
leave a note?
share me, share you
make me smile
thank you

other journals
(of course I should be sleeping)
(what's life got to do with it?)

about me
(too much to know at once)
(tic tic tic, toc)


the bottom line
who can
when i had the time
the first of december (has another song)
what i do


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temporary place holder




what am I here for?

sometimes I forget what I'm here for
I want attention
I want to be loved
I want to love you

sometimes I forget that I want more
I want sensation
I want to be felt
I want to feel you

but do I want too much?... do I share too much?... do I say too much?... why am I alone?... though I am here with you... sharing words with you... hoping to hear from you... I am on my own... feeling so unknown... yet am I alone?

remembering entering diaryland (even though the formatting had me grumbling cuz even thogh all the entries are listed individually, all of the first ten entries open up the same page and to see where I began you need to read the page from the bottom up and I think the message of each entry loses something in beging clmped together on ne page in reverse order, but the tenth entry grumbling says that so I'll stop grumbling about it here... it's just that I tried fixing it again today and it wouldn't be fixed)... but ok, remembering the beginning and how hopeful I was...

and I am connecting with some of you and that is inspiring and exciting and fun... I gess I have having a moment of doubt here tonight... like is this worth the time... like would it matter if I stopped... of course I want to hear that it would matter, but then, my asking for it effects my reaction, if you know what I mean)... I still mean every word I wrote in my first entry, dear readers... but sometimes I wonder...

is there any point in going on?
will it matter that I was here when I'm gone?
strangers on the road wave fast hellos
and I wonder is this just the way life goes?

if I want fame and fortune
if I want the fans applause
I've got to be out there
most of the year
wondering whatever happened to what was

is the love of millions of hands clapping
worth the love of one heart beating next to mine
is the adoration of millions of heartbeats
worth the adoration of one hand holding mine

sometimes I forget what I'm here for
why I started in the first place
to find someone to love
and to love you

and I am loving you
and I live for the applause
and you'll find me out here
most of the year
wondering what might have happened to what was
if you came with me to share the love

I know I've said this at least once before
but I think it's worth saying at least once more
thank you, dear reader... for helping me be sure
thank you, dear reader... you are what I am here for



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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J

I love you all for coming... for reading all these words
for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd)
if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight
I'd say
I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life