high on stats

wow, I had 25 unique hosts connect to this site yesterday... that's not necessarily 25 different visitors, but it's most likely more than two... any day there is more than me is a good day... anyway, 25 one of the higher nmbers I recall (I should keep track, as much as I love playing with numbers and since the Dland stats slide off the page as each day rolls around)... somewhere I wrote down the most page hits (as opposed to unique visitors... for the less informed amongst us, page hits count the number of pages visited... like you read ten pages and that's ten hits... unique visitors count your IP address once... of course if you connect again later the same day, it would probably be with a different IP address so you'd be considered a second unique visitor that day... if all this is jibberish or just meaningless to you, then just enjoy the fact that both diaryland and I and the whole dang world wide web considers you unique) for one day and I remember it being three hundred something, or so I thought until I just cheecked and found that on March 23rd, planet candora was visited 433 times... that's got to be the record for this particular diary... a few people must have read me from the beginning or something... I don't even know who to thank, so thank you if you're still out there... it feels good to know some of you care to read it all... and maybe even want to know me... knowing someone wants to know me is a good feeling...

that's why I love those little numbers down below... it feels great to upload a new entry and see the number online go up... to me, it's like a free lottery ticket in the find a friend lottery... random people clicking on the most recently updated diaries and finding me... maybe finding understanding and comradery and a friend... maybe even falling in love (ah, the romantic dreamer survives... of course ego would be happy with a lot of adoring fans, but as you probably know by now, ego can be quite shallow sometimes)...

and then there's the favorite people I have met before who leave those lovely little notes and tags and comments and guestbook entries and emails and phone calls and visits even... while gazillions of adoring fans would be a start at pleasing ego, the more important numbers aren't numbers at all, but rather they are words left by online friends... or buddies, as Dland calls us... of course the buddy list has a double edge to it, for while being added feels great, being dropped sucks rotten eggs, so I try not to look at being added as an occasion to start wondering when the other shoe is going to drop... yin, yang, optimism, pessimism, flip, flop.. that's the drawback of placing value on others opinions... we are, after all, relative strangers, even if I do show my vulnerability sometimes...

and then Sam wakes up, the TV goes on, and the channel surfing leads me to watch some of Legally Blonde and some of a half dozen other shows and then, WWE again... and since I skipped sleep last night and day, I'm way too easily distraced so this session of catching up on entries and rambling on looks like it's gonna come to an end... maybe I'll head into the bedroom, switch to the prone position (I haven't written prine for quite a while, actually, and even though I am nearing woozy, it might be a good time), put on some music (I still have library CDS, come to think of it), and start over (somewhere else, as it would be nice if I caught up some all around), if I don't fall asleep...

have I put you to sleep yet?... well, before the TV started distracting me again, I was thinking about how vulnerable I can be, even in words, because I trust... but even with the risk of giving too much importance to someone I hardly know but really wish I knew based on written words, I can still get high on stats... and so remind me to focus on the people who stick around because they want to care and respect the fun and mutual support and creative play that makes up the interactive side of public diaries... yeah... and those free lottery tockets... who knows what the next random click will bring...

candora

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J