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be random what is now when is then where is email who i am how it is why it is leave a note? share me, share you make me smile thank you other journals (of course I should be sleeping) (what's life got to do with it?) about me (too much to know at once) friend? (tic tic tic, toc) BE MY GUEST (BOOK) << MISSING �SOMETHING? >> the bottom line who can when i had the time the first of december (has another song) what i do < ? me # > < ? harrychapin # > < ? Random Acts of Journaling # > < ? Poetic Voices # > < ? The Write Club # > < ? Nights Awake # > < ? Fluid # > < ? Adopted # > < ? Childlike # > < ? Poets-Muse # > < ? Five Hundred # > < ? As You Wish # > temporary place holder ()))CRAYON-BOX)))> published blogmad! varb? �2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS IF YOU WANT TO USE THE WORDS FOR ANY REASON TALK TO ME |
secrets of the madhouse it is not all about loneliness, in the end... the desire to share is often the overwhelming motivation, the dominating force in this life for me... and yet, after all is said and done (truth stranger than fiction?) it is my illusion... the angst of unfulfillment... the agony of longing... the ache of wanting to share everything and sharing nothing, or almost nothing... the physical pain of starving for passion... the desperate hunger for love that feels like dying when no one is sharing the intimacy... the profound desire to be known, respected, loved, trusted unconditionally for the worth f the caring in me... all this, what I live for and would die for, illusion (yes Richard, there is a Santa Claus)... and knowing this (or believing it, for that this illusion is too another illusion) allows me to laugh at the drama I create as I turn desire up to become such profound need... as if I can not breath another breath if I do not find the one who falls in love with me who I fall in love with completely right now... so lonesome I could die is real because I choose to believe it, even though I know the whipporwills are all in my mind... but wait, pull the curtain back closed now and don't let knowing fool you, for the agony and ecstasy is as real as you want it to be... and as for me, you oughta know by now that I want it as real as it gets, beyond the limits, off the charts, over the edge... the roller coaster ride that comes from believing in these emotional needs, in wanting to share them, in turning up desire to the point of life and death drama, is the most fun I have created in this life (except for those precious moments of actually sharing the ride)... yes, even the agony is fun (remember, I live in the madhouse on the other side of the wall)...
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I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |