in a moment

what can I say, we are as innocent as ever here on Planet C, but we are not ignorant of the passions of the flesh and the dreams of love that form the foundation of this place are not always purely ethereal... sometimes the paper fantasies [sic] reach rather carnal perspectives (or are they proportions) from the perverse and edgy to the sweet obsessions and... carried away, me?... ah, but all you see if you read everything on the web is but a fraction of my written gardens and everything I've ever written is not the whole sum of me... you'll just have to come explore for yourself if you really want to know...

in the few hours I spend browsing the net each week (sometimes I'm lucky to have a whole day to explore), I find so much inspiration on so many levels... so much ethereal magic... so much spiritual energy... so much powerful emotion... and amusing stories... and yes, plenty of fluff and meaningless drivel as well, but that's life and we each decide what we wish to focus on... we can waste our time and energy focusing on negativity, on lamenting over the banal wastes and empty promises and superficial crap or we can see the beauty of a single rose in a pile of garbage... and so I view the world...

and I come to the net with the same perspective... not every page is inspirational, so what... and I come to diaries with the same feeling... each moment is part of life, make the most of it...

most of the time I find my heart longing for love, for sensitivity, for ethereal emotional bonding and sharing and understanding and that is mostly what this particular writing place is about... but the net is full of beautiful inspirations on all levels and I am not pure spirit, so sometimes I am inspired to something like... I want to kiss her all over and over again... momentary visual fantasy is good too, in case you had doubts... it reminds us we are actually still alive in physical bodies...

the key to my peace is believing in myself... when I feel lonely and insecure about the fact that there's a world of beautiful people making love in spirit, in the flesh, in so many ways and nobody seems interested in listening to my heart or exploring my sensuality today, I do my best to remember that this moment is not the end all be-all of my life... I've been more down, I've been more up... I've had more stuff, I've had much less... and based on the physical life I live today, I've been known and loved much more deeply and passionately and amazingly in spirit and in the flesh than I am loved at the moment... and I have been more alone... this momentary loneliness and self-doubt is a blip on the radar, no matter how profoundly agonizing it is, for the moment...

and so I do not lose myself in a moment's self-pity or doubt... I do not let the fear that it will always be this way consume me... I remember better times... and I fantasize about finding more meaningful sharing on every level in this life...

in this rather puritanical world, the sexual fantasies might upset those who fear their own sexuality and doubt their ability to control themselves... that is very sad, for I believe it is the repression of the fear that leads to the loss of control that turns love into cruelty and sensuality into abuse... but each person makes their own choice (even if it is merely to follow someone else's choice) about how to view themselves and the world...

some seek out things in this world that will offend them... some people do not seem to want to be happy... or perhaps hiding in small frightened minds and judging others based on narrow biases makes them happy... so if anyone is happy to find anything that offends or upsets them in my words, I am happy to be able to help them be happy...

for the rest of us, I appreciate your private messages about my sensual fantasies (and I very much appreciate you beautiful people who put images of yourself on the net that inspire me to remember I am still alive in this physical body)... my falling in love writings in this diary are not all about sex, but there are those times when a visual image and sensual words inspire more than the ethereal romantic... the passion of the lover lives, which is good to know in these years of self-imposed abstenence and sleepwriting...

I read about the lives of people who are much more sexually active than I have been in years and remember the passion I once shared in this life and dream of returning to a life focused on a beautiful relationship that includes sexuality... and that is the long-winded explanation about the actual origin of the previous entry or two that a few of you sought recently... one of these days I will wake up the sensuality in my mind (and do some awake-writing, aye?) and hopefully find a partner who will help awaken the sensuality in this body...

feel free to encourage that process (with laughter and joy)...

candora

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J