be random
what is now
when is then
where is email
who i am
how it is
why it is
leave a note?
share me, share you
make me smile
thank you

other journals
(of course I should be sleeping)
(what's life got to do with it?)

about me
(too much to know at once)
friend?
(tic tic tic, toc)

BE MY GUEST (BOOK)

<< MISSING �SOMETHING? >>
the bottom line
who can
when i had the time
the first of december (has another song)
what i do





RINGS 'n THINGS

< ? me # >
< ? harrychapin # >
< ? Random Acts of Journaling # >
< ? Poetic Voices # >
< ? The Write Club # >
< ? Nights Awake # >
< ? Fluid # >
< ? Adopted # >
< ? Childlike # >
< ? Poets-Muse # >
< ? Five Hundred # >
< ? As You Wish # >
temporary place holder
()))CRAYON-BOX)))>
published


blogmad!
varb?

�2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS
IF YOU WANT TO USE THE WORDS
FOR ANY REASON
TALK TO ME

MONOLOG

in the moment

sometimes I feel crazy... sometimes I just want to go crazy... I don't usually come here to Planet Candora when I am letting go of everything (because everything includes hope and faith and those precious dreams of love and trust that this place is built upon), but sometimes, no matter how clearly defined the various writing spaces of this life may be, they all blur in my mind (intentionally, this time)... there can be no one without the other, no part of me without the other part... so what do we know, here, in this idyllic garden of spendid emotions and perfect intentions and beautiful hopes?...

do you know me?...

do you even want to?...

would you take the time to?...

yes, I hear soft voices whisper just out of earshot... yes, I hear a few voices written into words... yes, I hear a precious few who have picked up the phone... but yes to all three questions comes at a very high price, the price of a lifetime... and much of it has passed already, the little years when everything is so much bigger than it will ever be again... the hormonal years when everything feels like it's about to explode with wonder and joy and potential for anything (and the unknown, that everything else that people are taught to fear and either avoid or lie about)... the first steps toward independence (which some take a lot earlier than others and most never really get past if they take them at all) when the weight of the world lands squarely on your shoulders and threatens to consume you before you even begin to breath in life as you create it... all these years have passed, all the memories, all the experiences, all the potential sharing... all the knowing...

would you leave it all behind?...

it seems such a sad thought, but so can be living in the past... still, there must be a happy medium where nothing ever said or done or felt or shared or known is wasted, where every moment that has been becomes a building block for the only moment that truly exists, now...

so in getting to know each other, we must spend as long as it takes, years at least, to learn as much as possible about the building blocks each of us have to offer... not to return to them, but to build something new with them with each other... this is the infinite bliss of a shared life... this is the eternal peace of having nothing to hide, unconditional trust, for everything is shared...

this is an essential ingredient in the dream at the core of this diary... so if you care to truly know me then the deep within candora you wander, the more you will have to find the paths to the other aspects of the person behind the dream (within the dream, for it is where I live)... and if this entry is making sense to you, then you know we have a very long way to go... millions of stories... sorting the actual experiences from the rebuilt memories... working through the obstacles, crumbling the walls, and exposing the truths, feeling it all, sharing even more...

ironically, I will not link anything in this entry... if you have not found your way through the gardens by now, you're either brand new or you don't really... want to?... have time?... no worries, whatever the reason I forgive and understand... there are many who I wish I had time to visit and much more information I would like to know, but I do not ask for more when I do not find time to take what is already given... once I did, when I had ulterior motives, when I was more actively searching for the one, the soulmate, the lover, I would ask for visual information to satisfy libido cravings and for a/s/l information to satisfy the social expectations drilled into us before we can speak and reinforced throughout the life... I would want to see a picture to get a sense if there was a visual attraction... I would want to know the secrets whispered by your heart when you are sleeping...

I have been burned by my openness, by my willingness to trust, by my hopefulness... I have grown (really, diminished) inconsistent, ambivalent, and distracted... and I nod off as much as I clarify when taking it deeper... hence, the rhymes... rhymes allow me to combine observation, experience, myself, and all around me into one neat and tidy little package... ok, so something... it's not always neat or tidy... but did you ever try building a Planet?...

and here we are, months behind and years behind in other places where everything is supposed to come together... taking it one day at a time, living in the moment as much as possible...

and what did you do tonight?

candora

previous - - - - - - - - next - - - - - - - - comment? - - - - - - - -

NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J




I love you all for coming... for reading all these words
for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd)
if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight
I'd say
I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life


ALL WORDS (C) 2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS