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be random what is now when is then where is email who i am how it is why it is leave a note? share me, share you make me smile thank you other journals (of course I should be sleeping) (what's life got to do with it?) about me (too much to know at once) friend? (tic tic tic, toc) BE MY GUEST (BOOK) << MISSING �SOMETHING? >> the bottom line who can when i had the time the first of december (has another song) what i do < ? me # > < ? harrychapin # > < ? Random Acts of Journaling # > < ? Poetic Voices # > < ? The Write Club # > < ? Nights Awake # > < ? Fluid # > < ? Adopted # > < ? Childlike # > < ? Poets-Muse # > < ? Five Hundred # > < ? As You Wish # > temporary place holder ()))CRAYON-BOX)))> published blogmad! varb? �2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS IF YOU WANT TO USE THE WORDS FOR ANY REASON TALK TO ME |
knowing me if you've been reading me for a while here and there (or even just here) then you probably know I kind of keep myself from losing my mind or going off the deep end or whatever metaphor we might choose by sort of compartmentalizing the various parts of my psyche and life and experience and emotions and thoughts in my writings and virtual and imaginary written gardens so i can believe in any possibility and let the emotions flow without compunction or fear of getting trapped in any depth or pain or monster of the mind because somehow I have this little voice inside that is my strongest voice without any doubt or fear that simply and firmly reminds me that no matter what anything is possible so the worst can become the best and everything can turn out ok and I can survive the most unbelievable or profoundly challenging challenges and so on and when all else fails, I babble... that is not to say that I don't have my doubts, and you know I have a bleeding heart (in so many ways more than the social conscious reference, but then, how easy do you want me to make it for anyone and everyone, anyway?)... and of course I am an enigma because I am afraid of falling in love again even though it is the thing I want most in life and would die for just one more chance at true love and romance but that unconditional trust thing has so severely backfired on me enough times for me to be so dang gun shy that I sit here writing and watching movies like Sleepless In Seattle with tears rolling down my cheeks for reasons beyond words as I remember what might have been and dream of what might still be if I can just keep hope alive and believe in myself and someone again in spite of the myriad of seemingly impossible obstacles I've carefully and carelessly placed in the way of any possible intimacy that might have any chance of happening and so then the tears roll over possible missed opportunities and yet I know I am just circling my own heart in a holding pattern waiting and breathing and just getting out of bed every day to continue the routine I've dragged myself into, alone, waiting, breathing... you don't really want to know...
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I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |