memories and fantasies

thanks to my dear nicim, I realize that my prayer reached deep into my sleeping heart... that's the funny thing about sleeping (as opposed to being dead, or mostly dead, or something else, for that matter), there's still just as much longing and love and hope and passion and life as there ever was (more, cuz you know about that absense makes the heart grow fonder thing)... and that's good news...

it's been a while since we had a talk... it's so much easier to wander through daily life with my heart, I mean the selfish deepest desires part of the heart, mostly turned off... but every now and then something or someone comes along to wake me up inside, even if it's very far away, even if it's mostly fantasy...

the people of New Orleans shook up my insides, but feeling so hel-pless to help in any tangible life-saving way just let the door open for depression... luckily our fear-filled leaders commited criminal negligence and gave me a reason to get angry, which is one way out of depression... you can read all about it over in my daily life ramblings...

here in my heart, the romantic part (as opposed to the social conscience part), there is loneliness... loneliness that the occasional fantasy can quell for a moment, but mostly it's just sleep that my heart does these days... the memories are buried deep because memories are for sharing, not for brooding over (cuz memories alone leads to living in the past and that's not where I want to live)... I have not had time to unpack all my boxes and as you know, so many are still far away in storage...

but sometimes there is proof of life... and to that end, I prove you with recent thoughts inspired by dreams and memories awakened by hairplay (this weeks lucky obsession, huh?)... and to all the obsessions I've written about before, no worries, I still love all of you deeply... especially you (as you oughta know by now) and I'll never forget you... and yes, if I left you out it's cuz I'm teasing you (so go get me back in notes or something)...

the mind, once opened, can never return to it's original shape...

it is still true, even if I do not remember who originally said that...

ignorance is only bliss when you don't know that...

profound quoting of someone, probably... at least I think the words are profound, even if they might be mine... I can swear I've heard the mind line before...

sometimes it is scary to read words that feel like looking into a mirror... and it's sad when there's no one to share that feeling with... but this life I've lived is the life I choose (with a little help from my friends, though there's probably more sarcasm in the word friend there than my heart wants to hear... a lot more...

I am the hopeless romantic who never settled down...

didn't you know? J

candora

love's obsessions paper fantasies first time

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J