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MONOLOG

stargazing

watching the meteor shower tonight was the most excitement I've had a 5AM all year (and suddenly, with that realization, the euphoria of the last couple of hours sheds a tear... alas, not another ramble about the trials and tribulations of loneliness, please)...

start again...

actually, the meteor trails were nice... they brought back memories of a my youthful studies in street pharmacopia, but that's another time and a whole lot of other stories like the time I found a bandaid marked "in case of emergency, eat this" attached to a letter just before going on duty in the emergency room... naturally I ate it and I still remember minute details of that night like skin texture and capillary action and fluid in my labyrinth (or was that my cochlea?... vestibules?... ah, it is so true, we forget so much more than we ever know) reacting in the elevator and the way nurses uniforms fit around and slipped off the contours of their bodies as if it was yesterday... no, it wasn't yesterday, or even the day before, in fact, it's been altogether too long, but once again we digress...

so I was standing there craning my neck tonight, thinking that I wish I had a lounge chair and hot chocolate (ok, it's not nearly Minnesota or Manitoba or even NY or Toronto, for that matter, but there were frost warnings in the area last night), some wonderful awarenesses crept into my consciousness for fleeting seconds (as opposed to those long drawn out seconds of horror movies, I suppose)... the conscious thought that so many others are staring up at the same sky and stars (except on the other side of the globe where you see different stars, but maybe we can stretch to consider it the same sky for this point... there's a point?... somewhere... and yes, the idea of cuddling up with someone did pass through me {like a cosmic buzzsaw} but we're not going there tonight, right?)...

suddenly every lonely song in the world is playing in my head

meanwhile, as I was watching the sky, wondering if anything would actually reach the ground and how cool it would be if it did near enough to see and feel but not close enough to actually hurt anybody, meeting the half dozen or so neighbors who decided that waking at 5AM to watch rocks and dust fall out of the sky was a good idea, and feeling the vastness of apparently infinite space and the connection with every subatomic particle composing everything (the symphony of the universe, or multiverses, plays on... even if no one is listening), I started remembering that I used to know a thing or few about the stars and constellations and such... and suddenly I recognized Orion's belt and Sirius and the Big Dipper and some other stuff I couldn't identify in the pre-dawn sky (forgot that some the planets are visible this time of year)... it's wonderful to be completely amazed by what has always been right before or eyes (and above your head and all around and within) as if you have not always been aware...

after coming inside and looking it up, I went back out in time to say hello and good morning to Venus and Mars and Jupiter just before the sunlight swallowed them... Venus was so dang bright that my neighbor and I thought someone might have been watching the meteor shower from a hovering helicopter with a spotlight shining down... or else we were being visited by aliens... it was a little disappointing to realize it was Venus (I'll love to meet some non-human life from other places with other perspectives... heck, I'd like to meet any life with other perspectives)... but then, it was exciting too...

one of these days, you ought to go stargazing...

candora

sky

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NOTE: Due to excessive comment SPAM, comments have been turned off... ironically, this month is the renewal for supergold membership and the comments feature... bad timing... you know how much I love feedback, so maybe there's be comments again one of these days... until then, please leave a note... thanks J




I love you all for coming... for reading all these words
for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd)
if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight
I'd say
I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life


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