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be random what is now when is then where is email who i am how it is why it is leave a note? share me, share you make me smile thank you other journals (of course I should be sleeping) (what's life got to do with it?) about me (too much to know at once) friend? (tic tic tic, toc) BE MY GUEST (BOOK) << MISSING �SOMETHING? >> the bottom line who can when i had the time the first of december (has another song) what i do < ? me # > < ? harrychapin # > < ? Random Acts of Journaling # > < ? Poetic Voices # > < ? The Write Club # > < ? Nights Awake # > < ? Fluid # > < ? Adopted # > < ? Childlike # > < ? Poets-Muse # > < ? Five Hundred # > < ? As You Wish # > temporary place holder ()))CRAYON-BOX)))> published blogmad! varb? �2015 CANDOR COMMUNICATIONS IF YOU WANT TO USE THE WORDS FOR ANY REASON TALK TO ME |
temptations suddenly, temptations come alive... I am always reaching out for them, but so rarely do they actually reach me, or want to... it has been a long time since I have felt wanted... and still longer since my senses have been challenged to expand beyond known limits... so long alone, I forget the feeling sometimes... but it all comes back to me in dreams... and last night I dreamed of you... so much imagination, for so much is not known, and the unknown at once stimulates me with hopeful anticipation and irrational fears... oh, this could be fun... like a roller coaster without a track... but what do I do if I get some of the kind of attention I seek?... one on one interest in me... part of me wants to (and does) run and hide... curl up and die, dig into why... other parts of me wants to cry, for very different reasons... part of me wants to share a cathartic healing, part of me wants to fall in love, part of me wants to remember that is where I live, where I belong... part of me wants to use sarcasm, cynicism, and irreverence to deflect attention away from my most vulnerable spots... part of me wants to focus right there, challenge the fires, bare the wounds, expose everything... part of me wonders just how many balls I can juggle and still make sense, no less keep anyones attention... at once I feel newborn and very very old... and musicless... until a moment happens, all I can do is wonder how many obstacles might still pile up between now and that moment... like between me alone, where I am safe and comfortable and always hungry... and me intimately sharing with someone, where all of my dreams are born, where I want to be... and until that happens, that moment of truth, I ramble on about this and that and life between dreams... obscurity is such a safe place... but ever so lonely... previous - - - - - - - - next - - - - - - - - comment? - - - - - - - -
I love you all for coming... for reading all these words for every click feels like more love (I know that sounds absurd) if I could only tell you... one thing more tonight I'd say I wish you could come home with me and be my friends for life |